From a Different Glitter Gulch

Back from the stamp-n-scrap-n-whatevering. Mike survived!

We arrived at the Cashman Center at 5:15, fifteen minutes early despite having to unexpectedly detour to the ATM since Cashman charges for parking. At the ATM I discovered that - oops - apparently I really did need to activate my new ATM card... from last month... or maybe the month before. Luckily Mike had finally set his PIN last week (we are peas, welcome to the pod) and had his card handy. You never know with Mike - more than once he's left home without his ID or wallet, always completely freaking me out. (But he knows I always have mine.) The fellow is totally a product of a culture where, when you go to vote, you just say, "Hey, I'm Mike P-" and they show you to a ballot. No, really.

A security guard let us in once I gave him the secret password. (The pw was not "make-and-take" or "rubber stamp event" but the very specific "ice cream social." Yes, I had to keep describing why we were there until I happened upon that phrase. He nodded, uncracked the door further, and walked us across the gym-like room.)

For some reason everyone was already seated and a guy was at a microphone, introducing what all of the tables were going to do. So, we had to wait for that to finish, get our wristbands (it's just that cool), and grab a couple of seats at a nearly empty table in the back. (This ended up being a good strategy - the smaller the group, the more time the presenters have for you in the rotations. We had only five in our group.)

Mike spotted two other men in the room and was somewhat less mortified. One man was the main host, who consoled Mike with the phrase, "I'm a rubber stamper, too." You will have to imagine the enormous bold quotation marks around the word consoled, because I can't make them big enough nor black enough to impart enough eyebrow arching. The other man ended up being a presenter's assistant, but by the time Mike realized this, he was deep in the game.

To everyone's credit, though, not one person squealed "A MAN!" and fainted. Instead, he got lots of Aussie Accent points, not to mention the Domestic Solidarity points.

I should say right now that there will be criticism in this post. There may be boggling. If you prefer to not muddy your soul with what might be unnecessary unkindness, I understand, and that's why I'm warning you. If it helps, pretend that I'm a professional scrapbooking event critic. It's socially okay to look away from the sunshine and rainbows if you're a critic, right?

And, after all, I am part of TEAM ORANGE, THE WINNING PRO SCRAPBOOKING LEAGUE TEAM, and CHAMPIONS OF THE SCRAPPER BOWL! Okay, so until last night, my last entry into the PSL was nine weeks ago, but I was strong in the early days, and I just had to participate in the final event. (Teams had 48 hours to produce pages that conformed strictly to a set of layout rules, so it wasn't something you could prepare for in advance.)

This was the grand prize - no, not really as amazing (to me) as, say, a free kit worth half the value, but mostly it was just fun to be involved. (And to win. Ha. I said it. Kisses to my teammates who did the other 4,250 pages that got us there.)

Our first station at the Make-and-Take was described as follows on the website: "You will be able to use the hottest new embossing templates that just hit the US to create a beautiful Mothers' Day Card!! With our revolutionary Peel Offs and imported metallic papers this one project you must make!"

Unfortunately, our presenter was very stressed out. Very. It perhaps didn't help that the main host was operating on a 20-minute rotation schedule where "20" was (according to other people's observations - I don't wear a watch) a variable number.

The important thing to know about this project's spotlight product - an "embossing board" - is that it's from the UK (this was mentioned at least four times so I'll dutifully repeat it) and that you don't need a light box to do the dry embossing.

It was neat, but the reason you don't need a light box is because the stencils all have grooves that start at the edge of the template and you can just follow along. Those of you (not me, although I do own a light box) who like to do designs that don't have a "tail" will not be as impressed.

We used the design shown on the lower right here. At the last minute, the presenter decided to do a different size of card, so the precut ribbon was the wrong size, the more desirable glue dots were missing, and so on. Frankly, Mike and I probably only did half of each of our cards. ("It's just faster if I do it," she said, racing the host's callouts of "five minutes more... four minutes remaining.")

You will note that she didn't give me (the purple card) enough silver zigzaggy stuff to make a circle, and she wasn't at her best when she made Mike's circle for him. (Ahem.) Also, his ribbon doesn't touch the bottom. That's okay. We got to do the embossing ourselves. I felt more bad for her than for our cards.

(Mike was especially unconcerned with the fate of his - but this was in the beginning before I started catching him working with both industry and creativity. Couples Crafting - I predict it will be THE RAGE in 2008. My grandparents' square-dancing lessons circa 1983 will have nothing on a man, a woman, and a heat tool.)

I will take credit for the askew stamping of the center grid as well as the sloppy cutting. I don't want to suggest that I'm not bad at this or anything.

The bar set low, we moved clockwise to the next table, which featured Sizzix machines. You know, die cuts. Cute crap. Cute, fun crap.

These women were very nice and very reassuring about time. The description of their table was as follows: "you will create a beautiful cute 'mystery project' using wonderful Sizzix dies to create a gift any mother would love!"

I love that it was a "mystery project." I think they made it up in the car on the ride there - like me with my lesson plans.

My only criticism here is that - and maybe I'm biased because I'm a daughter and not a mother - I should think any gift to a mother is loved. Am I right? Yes? Mom kept everything, right? Didn't she? (Knowing my mother, I staunchly believe she at least tried to. I made a poster for her for Mother's Day when I was 18. It so cruddy but good intentioned that I had it laminated, and then I lied and told the Kinko's attendant that my "little sister" drew it, and I shook my head like, kids? They have no idea, but what can you do? Mom kept that poster up from the time she got it until I left Texas. It was drawn on a big beige piece of construction paper with discount markers. And I really, really can't draw.)

Anyhoo, this was a successful station, even if the output was just a little card. I got to try a Sizzix for the first time, if nothing else. Mike tried to bail out when the flurry of instructions came, apparently not realizing that I was completely faking it as I slid in the plates, turned the handle, and hoped not to break anything. He quickly asked me to do his, but the presenters jumped right on that. "Oh no! You're going to do this!" A moment of awesomeness, for sure.

(And he did do it, straighter than I did, and he was fine.)

In addition to pressing out the flower petals, we used another Sizzix machine to emboss the little circles shown above. Then we used a sandpapery stick to rub off some of the colour of the paper and make them stand out more. (As I look at the edges of the card layers, which were pre-cut for us, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one whose paper edges seem kind of unintentionally rough.)

Rotate! I was looking forward to the third station. "We will create a beautiful pendant using Krafty Lady Art Moulds, OPALS embossing enamels, Fantasy Film and charms. It will have a bit of a faux dichroic look.  We will attach a bail and chain so you can immediately wear your piece of artwork."

(I'm always fondly sentimental about the word "pendant" - that's what we used to call Elizabeth Joy.)

The people here were also very nice, and they really latched on to Mike since the moulds and the enamels are products of Australia. Their tables had plenty of materials for everyone to use at the same time, which was also nice.

(However, she was out of gold wire, so we were told to "just add that at home - you all have it." It's funny, the skills and home studios that were sometimes assumed in the course of the night. Luckily nothing was too fiddly for our abilities. Two stations later, though, we made fish-mouths for at least a minute while trying to pretend that we knew what to do when the presenters said to "go ahead and distress the paper." I was ready to crumple it up or rip edges when I saw that they wanted us to sponge the edges with ink.)

The pendants were fun to make, but I really wish I'd put in much more of the fantasy film. The presenter suggested just using a little of what was provided, and as a result, our pendants are kind of solid coloured instead of that rich range that you see in an oil spill. Some of Mike's film stuck out, which made for a really cool prism-element, but the camera has chosen to display as a just a lump. Sorry.

In fact, both just look like lumps. Bummer.

To make the pendant, we poured heated enamel crystals from a waffle iron-type heater into a mo(u)ld. We then sprinkled in the fantasy film and a provided charm. Then we added some clear crystals from another heater. Then we waited for it to dry and super-glued a bail to the back. Then I picked super-glue off my fingers for the next two stations.

The fourth table was run by my old love/hate gateway drug to this whole scrapping business, Stampin' Up. (They don't get a link.) The card we made was simple and fun, but I of course will appear to have not enjoyed it by indulging in some lengthy griping:

Apparently the two tables before us kept running short on time. So, when our group came up, the presenters decided to have us only make one project. The (main) presenter kept grumbling about the host and not having enough time. She was just completely out of sorts, which was So Fun for the rest of us.

(I may be an Eeyore sometimes at home or with friends, but I believe in leaving those feelings there. If that makes me "fake," so be it. I'm SO sick of people saying that anyone who deals with the public has a right to be an ass because the public sucks. The public has always sucked. Stop being such an ass.)

The other presenter said, hey, this group is small, I bet they could do both of the projects. The main presenter just wanted to complain about time. So, we spent six or seven minutes on the card, then sat around for the rest of the session.

The description for this table? "Come create a very unique and special 'Thank You' Card at our Make N' Take Area at the Rubber Stamp Round Up/ Ice Cream Social.  AND a 3-d peek-a-boo candy holder!   We're ready to have a blast........are you!" You see already that I am restraining myself in the Nit-Picking Department.

This is the "very unique and special" card:

Mine is cut off at right, but it reads "Celebrate you!" I wasn't the one who tied the knot in my ribbon. The presenter did that. I think it's jaunty, but maybe she should have let us tie our own ribbons. Not only would we have had something to do, but she wouldn't have had to suffer briefly losing mine, and all of the quick drama that went with that.

The fifth station got us all bouncy again: Ghiradelli squares at each place setting! Mike was ready to tear into his, but I quickly reminded him that this was the one where we'd get to stamp with chocolate! How unusual - oh boy!

Okay, read their description: "Indulge your senses and immerse yourself in chocolate!  We'll be stamping with chocolate to create a clever goodie card you're sure to love.  Get hands-on experience with the best in clear stamps, our MyAcrylix stamps, combined with beautiful coordinated papers and accessories.  This class will be taught by instructors with years' of experience and is sure to be lots of fun." (Add sic as needed.)

I will tell you right now that it was a big lie. We did not stamp with chocolate. We stamped with regular brown ink and made little pockety containers for holding a chocolate square. Repeat: we did not stamp with chocolate.

Admittedly, the project was a sweet little thing, but the station itself was a tense one. Think "lipsticked soccer moms get jobettes doing Tupperware-esque craft shows, are appalled to have to deal with stretch pant riff raff, do not score big sales/contacts at non-sales event despite 'casual' mentions of opportunities to make purchases or host parties."

I feel bad typing that (however true or seemingly true) as the women were both nice. But (Gallic shrug), this is what scrapbooking event critics do. Also? WE DID NOT STAMP WITH CHOCOLATE.

I had to order arroz with mole at dinner later just to make up for it. You owe me $5.95, "Close to My Heart" demonstrators! (And Lindo Michoacan owes me some corn tortillas. I told you they came with the rice, Mike. Did I not tell you? Hrmph. Luckily their enchiladas verdes were outstanding.)

The sixth station caused Mike to ask, exactly twenty minutes later, "Was that not the wettest one yet?"

Yes, it was super-lame. "Create an almost 3-D looking card during this stop at the Las Vegas Ice Cream Social using imported peel off toll stickers from the Netherlands!"

"Toll stickers from the Netherlands" sounded cool. Even making a card could have been cool. Instead, we were given a choice of flowery cutouts to stack together using padded glue dots. The end.

Okay, so there was a promising part where we used a tool with a ball-end to curl up the ends of each die-cut. Think of Russian nesting dolls - the cutout are all of the same object, but less of the object each time.

Um, let me re-explain. You have a cutout of a flower. You then have a cutout of the same flower, but without one of the petals. You then have a cutout of that flower (sans petal), but now it is also missing a leaf. And so on, until you are pasting down the top cutout and it's, say, just the middle of the flower or a stem or something. By curling up the ends, you get a sort of 3-D effect. (You can see above that Mike, on the left, sort of messed up on his curling.) Here's a side view of mine, which was also not stellar:

There still wasn't any card. Totally wet.

Time for ice cream!

We were lucky to be near the set-up area, for the queue was long and slowwwwww, and many of us were done and sitting back at the crafting tables before some people got their treats.

The selection of toppings was nice - nuts, aerosol dairy-free chemical fluff (I'm not knocking it - mmm!), mango sauce, caramel sauce, key lime sauce, Hershey's sauce, and several kinds of sprinkles, including ones that looked like little cylinders of stained glass. They were my favourite.

Mike took an extra cherry.

Actually, he took three extra cherries and was feeling rather ashamed when he remembered it wasn't buffet, but then we looked around and discovered that I was the only person who carefully spooned out only one maraschino. So, I'm the only person in that room going to heaven. It's a lock!

As we loafed around the seventh station, watching everyone else get back to work early while our presenter was one of the last to get her ice cream, our expectations weren't high. "We will be making sparkling refrigerator magnets... they make great gifts or fund raisers for your group..."

However, this ended up being one of the neater projects. Take a business card magnet. Peel off adhesive backing. Put stickers on it. (Ours were pre-stuck, and speaking of stuck, there was almost nothing but Disney princesses left to choose from. We lucked out with some dragonflies and koi.) Sprinkle glitter over remaining backing. Rub in. Success!

The photos don't do this surprisingly attractive project justice at all. For one thing, the glitter wasn't your Kindergarten-variety sparkles. I know this because I kept trying to find out how to buy some from her without returning to the show the next day, but instead I was told all about how much better this stuff was than what they sold in stores, why it was so much better, and, no, they no longer operated their website. (I asked for a business card, but I don't think she heard me, and the world moved on. She didn't have any literature out, either.)

It's true - the stuff is better - the glitter is genuinely lovely. I wanted to throw it on everyone around me so they could be full of light and magic and hope for the future. (But I settled for rubbing it into Mike's jeans, since he was working so hard to get it off his shirt.) Apparently it's what car manufacturers use for that extra tingle in the paint job. Mike and I both chose mauve and teal used in the classic car era - everyone else worked with more modern polysomethings in autumn shades.

The colours are so sedate and luminous. But you can't buy them (easily), so, whatever. (The woman was really nice, and it's not like she's the only seller who doesn't accommodate those people who want only information now, but really will want to buy later.) Perhaps there are other companies that are just as good. (Or perhaps here ends my brief return to glitter art. I think the last venture was my famous pair of "Beatle jeans." See ya again in 25 years.)

Finally we were at the last station, and we were down to three people. One pair, just in town for the expo, went to call a cab. Later we found out it was because they'd seen this last presenter before and knew what was coming up.

"(Deleted) is excited about ATC Cards! She has miniaturized some of her favorite designs to create 3 new small sets of stamps for making smaller cards and tags in the Posh style! Be sure to come by and try them out at her make and take session using these adorable new sets along with Blending Blox and brush art markers. So, join (Deleted) for big, big fun making a little (ATC) Card!"

What is an ATC card? It is a question you phrase so that Google will notice it, then you will get lots of people leaving angry comments that they had to scroll down this far to find out what it is.

ATC cards are "Artist Trading Cards" (cards), so they're really just ATCs, unless you are the sort of person who says ATM machine or PIN number. Look, they even have their own Wikipedia entry. People do their rubberstamping/whatevering on a small scale then trade cards with other people. It's warm and fuzzy, and I've been thinking about tiptoeing into it ever since using my Club Scrap gift certificate on these. (I chose "Natural." No surprise from "Miss Can't Commit to Style so She Sticks with Browns and Beiges in Everything She Touches Until 'Later,' Whenever That Is.")

The presenter had tons of cool stuff. She was a Make-and-Take dream bringer. Markers for stamps, 20+ ink pads, sheet after sheet of EZ-Mounted stamps, stamp cleaner, calligraphy markers, at least 40 examples on display for inspiration...

Unfortunately, we had to sit and watch her talk about how to stamp for 15 minutes. Really. Maybe longer. Because it was only when the host called out "5 minutes left!" that she started winding things up. REALLY.

If I were presenting, this is what I would have said: "Folks, when you use the gradient ink pads, be sure to watch where you re-ink. If you re-ink the dark end over the light end, it messes up the pad and your art. See? (Hold up example.) You can also use these markers to ink up your stamp. See? (Show two quick strokes.) Okay, go ahead and use whatever stamps and colours you like to decorate your card. When you're done, you may want to try a very simple stipple brush technique, like this. (Brush, brush.) Please ask me if you have any questions!"

We rushed to put something, anything, on our blank ATCs. (I like Mike's card, on the left, but we both want the disclaimer made that we might have been more careful and imaginative if we hadn't been hurrying.)

Mike (because he drifted off during the long, wandering orientation as we watched her make a card, which included thinking hard about her stamp and colour choices in real time) inked his stamp with the markers rather than risk screwing up the Blending Blox, which I always wanted to try but - grrr - no time.

However, I did get to use the stipple brush with an ink pad, and that was Pretty Darn Cool. (She had at least 10 different sizes! Oh, the waste!) That's the greenish/blue background haze. (I could say something about colour misrepresentation on the ink pads, but haven't I groused enough?) Maybe I'll get a stipple brush with my 20% PSL WINNER!!! discount.

(Here's a kicker. I just Googled the very-nice-but-spaced-out presenter for this ill-fated station. Apparently we were in the presence of crafting celebrity. Awkward.)

Of course, any "WTH?" points in the evening were just more bonding opportunities for us, so I don't have any real complaints. (I mean, even if we didn't stamp with chocolate, even if that was SUCH A LIE, hey, they did give us chocolate.)

We both had a good time, even though we didn't win anything in the raffle. (Darn.) After a rough week at work for both of us, we were ready for something nice. Like Summer Break. A light evening out, some chocolate, a modest bit of adventure - it would all do just fine until the real medicine comes.

(Mike had his first irate parent, which will spook a person no matter how much apologizing the school admins do later - wow! - or how much the parent clearly misunderstood the situation at the time. Long story, but it's his to tell on his new blog that is apparently happening Any Day Now. Or not.)

(Me, I not only didn't get the job at the super-fancy school, duh - no surprise, but I sort of got in trouble, along with some other teachers, for being the last people out of the building during a fire drill. Apparently, if the students don't move fast enough, you should blame the teachers who have purposefully moved to the back of the crowd to hurry them up. They weren't even our students, who were safely in place with adult supervision, and it's not like the people in the BACK, on the heels of those in front of them, were the ones setting the pace. That's just good science, people! But, the campus monitor TOOK DOWN MY NAME because the principal, frustrated because the gate wasn't cleared yet, asked who was still coming through. Then he told her to "get the names of all of the teachers going through the gate." Nothing has come of it yet. I wouldn't even have known what was up if I hadn't asked her why she wanted to know how to spell my name. But you can bet that I spent another prep period with my forehead in my hand, reading a novel instead of thinking up new ways to reach students. Students who, in some of the veteran teachers' classes, are at a 95% fail rate for the quarter but will move on to the next English class no matter what their grade is. I'm not making this up. I've seen the gradebooks. And apparently I have at least one more year in the NCLB Nuthouse.)

(Meanwhile, my 19-year-old cousin killed himself. I don't think this is the sort of thing one just tosses into a scrapbooking ramble/teaching rant. On the other hand, it felt wrong to speak of stress and bad weeks without mentioning Josh. Perspective is always with us.)

Er, I didn't mean to go there. Or there, either.

The evening was a success, and I hope there will be something similar in the fall. Between this and the PSL, I'm inspired to play around more with what I suppose really is one of the most prevalent forms of folk art in our culture.

Comments

[Heather in PA]

so very sorry about Josh. I hope he's found peace, and that your family will, too.