I'm typing from a quiet sofa in the land of Too Many Pretzel Crackers. That's the one over the bridge from Took One of Those Afternoon Naps and Now Feel Icky.
Mike is out on his playdate tonight. Me, I am sitting here, looking around the apartment, and realizing that I would be happy for Mike to be a sub forever, never going back to school to be a Pinocchio-grade "real" teacher. The toilet is scrubbed. The hammies are scrubbed. The kitchen floors are scrubbed. He even regularly tries to organize my crap, a task I have always told myself is not humanly possible.
I know it means paying more for health insurance and not maximizing our combined earning potential, but - are you deaf? - SCRUBBED TOILET. Hairless drains. Folded laundry. Dinner cooked to spec.
He even mixes me a "cocktail" when I get home.
(That's probably what brought this post on. I'm drinking Sprite from a can.)
Did anyone watch the Scripps spelling bee last week? Fave word? Thymele. I know a lot of people will always remember this bee for The Numbnuts Incident:
And that was gold, but we were losing it over thymele. Because, you know, it sounds like "Simile." With a lisp. Thymele. Thymele. Hehehe. ... Thymele.
Mike was having issues with the bee because, to him, half the challenge in spelling some of these words comes from using American pronunciations, where, say, Os and As sound alike. (Yes, I know that for many Americans "marry" and "merry" are not the same word, nor are "cot" and "caught," but for most US dialects, they are pronounced the same.)
The Official Pronunciation Guy at the bee gives alternative pronunciations, but sometimes I would check OED and, sure enough, there would be Mike's pronunciation, not mentioned by The Guy at all. (Okay, this happened once. Still!)
(Thymele!)
I am going to list four Hugh Grant movies. (Yes, we're switching topics.) Two are overrated, one is underrated, and one is crap. Guess:
- Music and Lyrics
- About a Boy
- Nine Months
- Notting Hill
Ready for the answers?
- Music and Lyrics - UNDERRATED!
- About a Boy - overrated
- Nine Months - total crap
- Notting Hill - not completely unwatchable, but, yes overrated
M&L somehow ended up on our TV this weekend - again - and now I have all of the songs stuck in my head. Your turn. (Don't click if you haven't seen the movie and think you might.)
This is the truly brilliant one, though. Maybe you need to remember how it was when "Careless Whisper" by Wham but featuring George Michael (WTF?) came out. And be Class of 87. And have been to a few 80s heartthrob has-been concerts (see "husband table" at 00:49). Deft parody, this is.
And, of course:
(I think I've linked that one before. Well, enjoy it twice! It's underrated!)
How else can I nerd it up tonight? Hm. Okay, let me tell you about my pet crab, Astronomy.
Astronomy isn't a real crab. He's my hunter's pet on World of Warcraft. I have two. There's Chaucer, an elder mottled boar who has been with me all of my "life." Then, a couple of levels ago, I was playing my rogue, doing some incredibly inconvenient quest off the shores of Desolace, and I saw a rare spawn wandering the ocean floor. I came back as my hunter, tamed it, and now I have this huge red crab for a pet. He is awesome. His feet (?) go tappity-click as we run along.
He's so awesome that I want to install one of those WoW moviemaker thingies and make a montage of all of our adventures (riding zeppelins! checking mail! running to the auction house!). His theme song will be playing in the background. It's the song he was named for, and the one I play when we're in a difficult fight. (And if Mike sees me on with Astronomy, he hassles me until I put on the song, after which I start running around Orgrimmar, posing to the beat. Um-er-anyway.)
(This is the - sorry Eric Bloom fans - more haunting Buck Dharma version. And yes, I've probably linked to this one before, too.)
Below is a screenshot of me with Astronomy (left) and Mr Wiggles, a non-combat quest reward pet (right). We're watching a group of Alliance people raid Silvermoon City. (That's right. Just watching. I'm not a PVPer. Any rumours about Mike and I raiding Stormwind by ourselves last Christmas because we thought you could get extra presents from under the tree that way are just that - rumours. Of true things. Shh.)
One of my WoW-playing students doesn't understand why I don't go on 30-man raids or fight in the arena. Ha. For me, WoW is mostly about the critters. And shopping. And gathering herbs. And sewing capes. Oh dear. I'm going to need help when that Hello Kitty MMORPG comes out. You can make furniture. (Repeat that last sentence in Hank Hill's "tone of awe.")
Speaking of students, and that student's class in particular, who took their exam today... As I stared at them for two hours while they took their test, thoughts wandered around my head:
- "Wow. It's the last day. You'd think I'd be kind of nostalgic and blinded by the good vibes. But here I am, counting the last twenty minutes on the clock like the rest of you, hoping I can make it through without calling anyone a name."
- "What kind of a loser asks, seriously asks, if I have food? Then they ask why teachers don't bring all the kids food like in middle school. Does the AWESOME SOLEMNITY OF THE 200-QUESTION JUMBO SCANTRON on your desk not touch you at all?"
- "Okay, you know you're not exempt from the essay because you didn't turn in a paper last week. The paper was a five-paragraph double-spaced MLA-header affair with quotations and arguments. So now you're stuck doing a state-mandated essay after your exam. The first sentence of the three-sentence topic tells you to spend the rest of the test period working on it. You have written eight sentences and we have forty minutes left. Why do you think you are done? Why?"
- "Not only can I hear you, but I can see you. And I can see that your essay sheet is blank. That's okay. That's your choice. A popular choice, too. And now I've confiscated the lip gloss you've decided to share with a fellow tester. Bonus. Why the freakin' fiddlesticks are you asking me what your grade is? We all know what your grade is."
- (During the test) Student, who thinks I can't see her mouthing conversations to the person next to her, calling out: "Can I go to the nurse?" Me: "No." Student: "I feel sick." Me: "Feel better." Student, whispering to friend: "She's such a bitch." Me, of the honed student-centered listening skills: "No, I'm not. I'm just mean." Me, in my head, as the other students laugh: "HA."
- "I wrote you up last week. Yes, during the last week of school, when all we were doing was watching a movie and - theoretically - organizing notes and making study cards. You spent the rest of the week out of my class, in detention in the dean's office. You were absent 30, maybe 40, days this semester. All unexcused. You have a 1.7% average. But, check it out, you showed up for the exam. I'm so pleased because, well, telling people over and over to Stop Talking is just about my favourite part of finals. And having you holler "What time do we get out of here???!!!" across the room during the test? A thoughtful touch. Thank you. Your gift will stay with me."
Saddest part: I do actually like the little twerps.
SMS from Mike. They saw a Disney movie being filmed at Planet Hollywood with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. (Mike texted it just like that, quotation marks and everything.) Now he's downtown and thinks he wants to come home. (Downtown can make anyone feel that way, but it sounds like he's having fun.) I think he's going to be so impressed by the number of dirty dishes I racked up in just eight hours. (A man needs a purpose.)
Off to reread some more Flowers for Algernon for the first time in about 25 years. Or maybe I'll do the dishes. I do miss him.
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