Throwing Some Apoplectic Wheeze on That Sitch

I don't know what I'm doing reading "teacher blogs" during the summer, but I'm glad I found Ms. Friendly's and To Miss with Love, the latest post of the latter having inspired this post.

Do you know about Soulja Boy? All I know is that my kids this last year really loved his "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" song. Not my kind of music, but no big deal. However, now that I know he's singing about himself in the third person, I'm put off. In fact, it reminds me of another hip hop artist called "Soulja," Sister Soulja, who wrote novels where she was one of the characters. (And her character was angelic and a boon to mankind, in the finest of Mary Sue literary tradition.)

BUT, I admit I'm being unreasonable. True, I didn't like it when Stephen King went crazy inserting himself into the Dark Tower series, but I probably wouldn't care about Soulja Boy doing it if I didn't dislike his music, message, and attitude. Not that I had any opinion about the guy until yesterday, when I heard this song:

Now, the first issue to address, obviously, is whether it's "throw some D's on that, bitch" (bitch = teacher) or whether it's "throw some D's on that bitch" (that bitch = report card). I think this is the beginning of a fine lesson plan, don't you? Making commas relevant to our young people today? Ahem. Or maybe it just opens up a can of classroom management fiasco because, whoa, Miss said "BITCH"!

(For those who don't know me well, I'm joking about punctuation being the first issue to address. Or am I? It depends - do you think this SWPL post is funny and insightful, or is it feeding on the "ew, gross, that's so white" culture that pisses me off daily between August and June? Me, I think it's both. Just like I think that comma matters, but perhaps not as much as the gun on the shirt of the guy in the video. Maybe it's all just Bloggess Style? She makes a great point about how sometimes all you need is to defend your usage is to cozy up with the right style guide. However, then we're back into "you have to know the rules to break them" territory.)

(Oh, and if someone made a "Stuff White People Blush About" website? I'd offer up my secret shame of using "it's" for "its" until I was 22 or 23. I still say it makes more sense!)

Below are the lyrics to the Soulja Boy song. (I made the stanza formatting a little more traditional in places to make scanning easier for eyes like mine. I started to add apostrophes where needed, not sure if the lack is Soulja Boy's doing or all of the people contributing to lyric websites. Then I thought, feh, I should follow the style guide of the listening demographic.)

You Know When U Jus Get Your Report Card,
And You Have All F's On It
U Just Wana Take It Back To The Teacher And Say To Throw Some D's On That Bitch!

Ballin! Soulja Boy Up In Da Buildin
(Throw Some D's On That Bitch)
I Just Got My Report Card
(Throw Some D's On That Bitch)
I Just Got My Report Card
(Throw Some D's On That Bitch)

Chorus:

Ayyyy
Soulja Boy Chillin Dog Just Got My Report Card Looked At It All F's Took It To Tha Teacher Desk
(Throw Some D's On That Bitch)
Just Got My Report Card
(Throw Some D's On That Bitch)
Just Got My Report Card Ayy
(Throw Some D's, Throw Some D's, Throw Some Throw Some D's On That Bitch)
Just Got My Report Card
(Throw Some D's, Throw Some D's, Throw Some Throw Some D's On That Bitch)
Took It To The Teacher Desk
(Throw Some D's... etc.)

Sittin Up In The Classroom She Gettin On My Nerves,
The Teacher Hollin Out Soulja Boy Do Yo Work.
She Talkin Bout Adjectives, Pronouns, And Verbs.
Im Knocked Out I Aint Hear Nuthin The Class Heard.
Im Daydreamin Hard Bout That Stacks On Deck
I Dont Know How I'm Gon Pass My Next Test.
I Got My Report Card I'm Like Wut The Hell Is Dis.
I Took It Back To The Teacher Then I Told Her

(Chorus)

I Alwayz Be In School But I Be Walkin Halls
A lot Of Teachers Give Me Test But They Be Super Hard
I Get Into Some Trouble Then My Mama Calls
But Afta I Get Out The Office Ima Tell Em All Dat
Ima Superstar And Thatz Best.
Everytime U See Me Up In Class My Head On That Desk.
And When U See Me On Dem Girls U Kno That Im Super Fresh.
Yea Teacher, Students, Class, Stupid
(Wait A Min Muthafuckers)

(Chorus)

I Just Got My Report Card
I Just Got My Report Card
I Just Got My Report Card
I Just Got My Report Card
Throw Some D's On That Bitch
Throw Some D's On That Bitch
Throw Some D's On That Bitch
Throw Some D's On That Bitch

I Got A 47 Up In Math, A 67 In English, A 14 In Science.
Man What The Fuck?

Throw Some D's On That Bitch
Throw Some D's On That Bitch
Throw Some D's On That Bitch
Throw Some D's On That Bitch

(Chorus)

Ballin
Throw Some D's On That Bitch
Throw Some D's On That Bitch

U Kno When You Just In School
And You Like God Damn This Too Much Homework
U Like What The Fuck Man I Cant Do All This Shit Anymore
What, Whats The Problem So Much Fucking Homework

Throw Some D's, Throw Some D's, Throw Some Throw Some D's On That Bitch
Ballin

As always, the comments on YouTube are exponentially more depressing than the actual song.

"a yo ranch dat really aint coo, we dont need ur narrow ass KKK bitch ass white power up in here, but a y o disbabii, what u got againts us white people, fuck the KKK and all them mo'fos, we aint all like dat" (I remember when the students taught me about "wiggas." That pretty much killed one of my former fave verb phrases: "wigging out." However, this LOLcat-style "ROFLWigggers" site has some chuckles.)

"fuck this gay ass shit. this ant rap at all u hoe's dont know shit. but it look like the real rap ant comeing back. but much love to bone the only real shit now of days... fuck all the new rapers cuz it ant real fucking rap" (Perhaps a case of cringing over your advocates.)

"you guys who r hating on these ppl doin some music videos and sayin how it sux..wel atleats they r doin somethin i would like to see someof you all do it and n that is so fuckin gay (analsweat)what you said just bc there blck dnt mean shit go to hell" (I have no idea.)

"ignorance is bliss with you dumb motherfuckers huh. Racism a must with you huh, give it up you cant win we here we are going to stay here. If you dont like us get off your lazy ass and do work instead of sending black people from africa over here to do it for ya." (What?)

"aye bay-bay if i NEVA came home wit all f or even one f nd said told my teacher 2 throw sum D on it den i would have got my big wiped shoot i better say THROW SUM A OR BZ ON DAT MESS" (Good attitude, but are F's really that foreign of a concept to this writer?)

"omfg first of all soulja boy is better than you number 2 r u disin black ppl cos if u r where a t-shirt sayin it in new jersy see how long itd take to die mutha faker"

And so on. Call me Whitey McWhitepants, but I really can't abide people who can't spell "motherfucker" or one of its colloquial variants ("mutha-", "-fucka").

Every time I shake my head and say "these kids today, with their anti-intellectual music," I feel like Grandpa Simpson complaining that he doesn't get 40 rods to the hogshead. But c'mon. I know there's a difference between "those British moptops with their long hair and cheeky wit are ruining our society!" and "those wannabe gangsters with their hatred of school and reduction of women to prostitutes and love of drugs and status are ruining our society!"

Hrmph. It's just July. Maybe I should make a vow to only talk about good kids for the rest of the summer. The ones who think songs like this are "crazy."

We conclude this depressing detour with a little M&W antidote!

(The head shaking in the background is the best.)

Comments

[Jenny, Bloggess]

Oh, Whitey McWhiteypants...you are cracking me up.

[ms.friendly]

LMFAO!!!! The antidote thing with the green clarinet...HILARIOUS!!!!!! I'm STILL laughing. Thanks for the laugh. Hope you feel better. We've already started school and I've had to miss two days within the first two weeks due to Asthma (yuck). I empathize with not feeling well. Take care!