12 Hours in Las Vegas (+ a lot of "ish")

The Amateur Gourmet (Remember the Amateur Gourmet? I just read his book so now I'm all about getting back into the AG.) has a meme up called "12 Hours In..." where you describe what you would do if you only had a final 12 hours in your city.

I can't play games like this because I'm too busy freaking out about these final twelve hours. What's going on? What prompted the exile? Biowarfare? Moving day?

So, because I'm sure everything is being kept For The Record somewhere, my official response is that I'd spend that time crying or holding hands or triple-checking that everything is packed. Something like that.

However, if I regard this assignment more sensibly, thinking of it as "What would you do in your own city for 12 hours if you couldn't go home and you had plenty-but-not-lottery-amounts of disposable income," maybe I can come up with something. (Worrycogs are already turning: Why can't I go home? Cockroach invasion? Shootout? And shouldn't I be saving this money?)

Hmm. Twelve hours and no lolling around the house? I'll try. But this is just me - I know Adam is hoping for the meme to develop into useful city guides, but I can't do that. I've decided that this blog does have a theme, and the theme is Hopeless Introspection. I.e., "HI!"

Note: In my 12-hour scenario, no one has to worry about parking.

1 p.m. Head into Tamba for delicious Indian buffet.

(Heather, I'm SHOCKED by your last comment. Why aren't you making your own paneer? My whole vision of you is melllllting. Melting. Melting. Or rather, my hope that you will master paneer-making then show me how to do it is melting. C'mon, it has to be easier than your beautiful cake artistry. Give me hope!)

(Oh, and BOSSY - you could have had the French Onion Soup, but SOMEONE - note the BOSSY-like caps - didn't make Las Vegas part of her excellent road trip. And Someone - note the Shari-like capital S - is still sad about that. I think SOMEONE should talk the casino conglomerates into sponsoring a "Lost in Las Vegas" weekend with BOSSY, and BOSSY and all of her fans can run around trying all of the soup... and trying to figure out what "soup" is a euphemism for.)

1:45 p.m. Talk about walking to Coke World (actually called "Everything Coca-Cola" - lame) for Smart Watermelon, but the "naan-belly" will be too discouraging.

1:47 p.m. Feel further discouraged because all planning usually centers around food, and now the food part is over. Can we go home? Oh, I forgot about the cockroach shootout. No, let's change the story: I can't go home for 12 hours because that show where they decorate your house while you're gone is redoing the apartment.

Great, now I'm stressing out that the sofa is going to be covered in orange-striped throw pillows and the hamitats are all going to have festive stickers on the side. Can't the designers just dust the DVDs and maybe reorganize the piggy banks?

Because, see, we have these two piggy banks (free casino gift), and one is for pennies and the other is for "other." Nickels, dimes, quarters, shillings, farthings. But we've already forgotten which is which, and I have just enough OCD to now be sitting on the other side of the apartment, bothered by the probable mixed coins over by the stairwell.

Hey, I'll take a photo of the piggies. Hold on.

I took this photo in the dark. Wouldn't it be neat if the flash had caught the ceramic piggies in looks of surprise, because secretly they come to life with the lights go out?

I think they look a little like hammies.

We have another tacky twosome thanks to Station casinos. On Labor Day, they had a "cash cow" giveaway. You draw a ticket, and if you lose, you get a ceramic cow with stars on the side. If you win, you get a cow with dollar signs on the side. And cash. This is what we got:

Mmm. Godiva. Remind me to get more of that cocoa while it's half-price.

Great. I just realized that the cows are piggy banks (bovvie banks?) too. More coin segregation to worry about.

Above the cows is the cupboard with the dishes and glasses. This is not to be confused with the other three cupboards of casino products which also include many, many dishes and glasses. These are the ones we actually use. Sort of. Remind me to spend next weekend feeling bad about the state of our cupboards (but still not doing anything about it). This is what the bottom two shelves of the "main" cupboard look like:

(Click to enlarge.)

We don't drink martinis or margaritas, or even use cups, but what happens is that we get some new "casinoware" and decide to try it out, then imagine that we'll use it all the time, plus new stuff is fun, so the cupboard is cluttered until there's a huffy clean-a-thon and the other three cupboards get packed a little tighter with "archiveware."

And since I had the camera out, I just wanted to show off what's going in those glasses: Kedem!

Kedem, the most lovely grape juice in the world, is currently on sale at Albertson's for $2.50/bottle. Normally it's about $7-$8 per bottle, that's how lovely it is. But it's Rosh Hashanah time, so they've marked it down. (What once were just words on my free Hallmark calendar are now signals for when to hit the "kosher" aisle.)

Next to it you see lemonade-style Vitamin Water, a.k.a. my daily lunch. Someday I will be a real grownup and take real vitamins. Or be bothered to pack a lunch.

Next to that is some sour cherry juice on clearance at Albertson's (not bad), and past that is the extraordinarily delicious organic apple juice that comes from Fresh and Easy.

Oh, and I apologize for even mentioning Albertson's, but we went to Subway the other day, and I had to have a Starbucks because I was dying of thirst and couldn't wait the mile-drive to get home (plus: STARBUCKS), and so we decided to get some Sprite (for "lemon, lime, and bitters"), and Sprite is the only thing Fresh and Easy doesn't sell at a decent price. One thing led to another, and fate led us to the marked-down Kedem.

Oh-oh, and it also led us to some clearance shampoo that I love.

Interesting. I just checked that website and I see this company makes all kinds of shampoos. Normally I buy whatever has the most adjectives promising damage repair for dry, brittle, split-ended, fuzzy, sad hair. But this stuff that I'm loving? It doesn't talk about any of that. Have I been under a false marketing spell? Or is it the quality of the (organic!) brand, and now - for even better results - I should seek out their "Mandarin Orange & Patchouli Shine-Enhancing Shampoo for Dull, Lifeless Hair" or their "Chamomile & Lemon Verbena Moisturizing Shampoo for Dry, Damaged Hair" or their "Persimmon & Rose Geranium Moisturizing Shampoo for Dry, Parched Hair"? (Arrrgh. Maybe Orwell was wrong. Choice is bad.)

1:48 p.m. Only a minute has passed in the travelogue, but for some reason I'm thirsty after all. So let's walk over to Coke World (or whatever) and get a big cup of Smart Watermelon. That's my tip to you: you don't have to buy the little "international sampler" trays. You can just say "Gimme a large (whatever global Coke product you like that they have in stock)." It costs the same as Coke, Sprite, whatever.

2:10 p.m. Now we are standing outside Coke World, sipping China's favourite Fanta flavour, and - hey, I've always wanted to see that Russian guy's "Comedy Pet Theatre." Let's turn around and walk eight paces to the half-price ticket booth and see if tickets are available.

2:15 p.m. It's my fantasy, so of course we have tickets. Oh look, they forgot to charge us the $4 service charge per ticket for using a credit card. Cool.

2:16 p.m. Get "head spider" demonstration at adjacent Oxygen bar/aquamassage stand. Try not to pee pants.

Well, now we have an hour to kill before the show. I suggest the following:

• Check Grand Canyon gift shop for out-of-date postcards
• Wonder how crazy it is inside of M&M World
• Go into M&M World, see what's new
• Debate whether to watch M&M World's 3D movie
• Not watch movie
• Look for clearance plush
• Almost buy pretty M&Ms in unusual colours, sold by the pound, but then realize it's a bit of a rip off unless you need pretty M&Ms
• Wish that attempt at making pretty M&M cookies had worked out
• Start walking toward Planet Hollywood
• Pass Hawaiian Marketplace, check other half-price ticket booth, wonder for 147th time if we're ever going to see Ice.
• Go into Miracle Mile shops, do usual lament of half-assed de-themeing of former Desert Passage shops.
• Wonder aloud if we'll be thirsty enough for a Chocolixir after the show
• Mock Steve Wyrick's "ultra lounge"
• Stand in front of gelato stand and talk about the time I had that raspberry lemon gelato drink, and how I thought it was going to be too sweet, but it was really quite good once I got used to it
• Check Bath and Body Works for clearance items
• Decide not to play any slots because it's probably too tight
• Let Mike tell the story of when his friend was here and they played the Dean Martin slot and it wasn't tight at all
• Sing that one Dean Martin song

• Take seats. Hopefully enjoy show.

5 p.m. Drain Chocolixir.

5:01 p.m. Say, "Damn. The Liberace museum is closed. Are we ever going to go?"

5:02 p.m. Decide to head toward Henderson.

5:15 p.m.Go to Pinball Museum. Lose quarters. Get mad. Not play well. Try to take photos of vintage wooden pinnies that won't come out. Somehow have fun anyway.

5:45 p.m. Go to Ethel M. Get free chocolate. Reminisce about the days when they would let you choose your own free chocolate. Wonder if we should've had an Ethel M chocolate beverage instead of the Chocolixir. Admire cacti. See how the Living Machine is doing.

6:15 p.m. Arrive at Sunset Station. Magically discover that some awesome early 80s band is playing and tickets are still available. (Never mind that most of these shows are at the other properties.) Fritter away time until show gambling. (Because maybe they'll give away soup bowls next.)

7:00 p.m. Earn 500 points and come out ahead. Decide we don't really like that band's one song anyway so it's a good thing we didn't buy tickets. Leave.

7:30 p.m. Go to Lush at Mandalay Bay because I like bath bombs, and because I said at the beginning that we weren't going to worry about parking. Also, I need to spend the winnings. To stimulate the economy.

Lush Wishlist - Top Five (Bath Bombs)

• Fox in the Flowers
• Honey Lumps
• Fizzy O'Therapy
• Big Blue
• Rainbow Worrier

Lush Wishlist - Top Five (Non-Bomb Products)

• Happy Bubble Bar
• Honey Beehave Dusting Powder
• Creamy Candy Bath Melt
• Aqua Mirabilis Body Butter
• Gorgeous Moisturizer

Note: I've never actually purchased anything at Lush, but if I ever do, I'm sure I'll love it.

8:15 p.m. Back at the half-price ticket booth, tickets for the 10 p.m. Love show are suddenly available. For, like, three dollars! Wow! (Hush. It could happen.)

8:30 p.m. Admire Bellagio fountains. Sing Dean Martin song again.

8:35 p.m. Take picture of Elvis.

8:45 p.m. Admire Mirage volcano, which is somehow no longer under refurbishment and which now goes off at 45 past the hour.

9:00 p.m. Take tram to Treasure Island. Talk a lot about the lack of pirate theme. Bore bystanders. Have a go on some interesting new slot. Lose half of earlier winnings. Go back to Mirage.

10:00 p.m. See Love. Enjoy the show. Miss the Beatles.

12:00 a.m. Put programs in the car door's inside pockets, where they will be lost for two months. (See Mamma Mia.)

12:25 a.m. Arrive at Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Wonder if people realize how thirsty it can be, living here. Order something with lots of coconut.

12:40 a.m. Consider going to Sonic for fried mozzarella sticks. Decide to behave, mostly on the basis of already getting smoothies. Oops. Should've held out for limeade.

12:55 a.m. Kiss the hamsters. Pour a Kedem chaser. Realize that, despite all the beveraging, there hasn't been any food since the Indian buffet.

12:59 a.m. Plunder crisper drawer to make late night pizza with Fresh & Easy crust.

Comments

[Heather in PA]

The AG is how I found your blog!! And funny.... I haven't checked his blog in months, maybe even a year!

Make my own paneer, eh? Hmmm.... hmmmm.... I know I've got some cheesecloth around here somewhere.....

[Lisa Simonds]

Hi Shar! Late happy Birthday - thought I had your email address, but it must have changed. Hope your special day was wonderful! Lisa

[Donna Meager]

Hello Shari - I am late - sorry about that - I would remind myself during the day on Friday to drop you a note and wish you happy birthday - then again on Saturday- you get the picture.
I hope you had a great birthday and you have a fantastic year.
Tell Mike howdy...
Take Care
Donna

[heather]

HAPPY BELATED!