The Focaccia Statement

Place: school library

Time: shortly before a department meeting
[In the middle of a gushy discussion about Fresh & Easy]

Me: "And then they get new things! Like, they now have fresh focaccia dough with rosemary!"

(beat)

Beloved Coworker: "Is that how you pronounce it?"

Genteel Coworker: "I thought it was foe-kah-chuh."

Me: "Oh no, I've been told it's actually foe-kay-shuh."

Beloved Coworker: "That sounds like the name of a plant."

Other Coworker: (silent judgement)

*** SIX HOURS LATER, AT HOME ***

Me: "Hey, we were talking about focaccia this afternoon, and they thought it was foe-kah-chuh, too."

Mike: (derisive snort)

Me: "Umm... you are sure it's foe-kay-shuh, right?"

Mike: "YES!"

Me: "Because, like I said when you first told me this, Italian is a Latin language. Foe-kah-chuh makes more sense."

Mike: "Pft! No one I know says foe-kah-chuh."

Me (only now thinking to ask questions I should've asked before so many meals in Italian restaurants had passed): "But you did get this from a reputable source, right?

Mike: "Adrian says foe-kay-shuh, and he's Italian!"

Me (now experiencing unpleasant flashbacks about the time we got an appetizer at California Pizza Kitchen): "Noo! Adrian's Australian. With Italian parents, grandparents, whatever. Is this your only source?"

Mike: "No. Everyone I've ever known says it."

Me: "Who?"

Mike: "Jamie, Emma, Mum..."

Me (relieved): "Okay."

Mike: "Of course, you guys do say your o's and a's different here."

Me: "What?"

Mike: "Like Mazda (mahz-duh) and Mazda (maz-duh)."

Me: "What? What? You can't confirm the American pronunciation?! WHAT?"

(Too late, I confer with the Internet.)

*** TWO MINUTES LATER, ON THE SAME SOFA ***

Me: "Oh my god!"

Mike: "NO one I know says it that way."

Me: "Oh my god!"

Mike: "I've never heard that. How do you pronounce cacciatore?"

Me: "Oh my god!"

Mike: "It's foe-kay-shuh."

Me: "Oh my god! Look at Wikipedia!"

Mike (scoffing): "Yeah, but that's an American site."

Me: "I'm an American! You are the people on the edge of the planet and we are the biggest, stickiest glob of Western Civilization! Our pronunciation matters! Oh my god!"

Mike: "Check Dictionary.com."

(I check. I play the sound file.)

Me: "Oh my god!"

Mike: "Just tell everyone that you've been using the Australian pronunciation."

Me: "What, do I email everyone tomorrow morning? Arrange to meet in the mailroom? 'Hey guys, I've gathered you here because once upon a time my husband CORRECTED me on the pronunciation of focaccia...'"

Mike: "Heh!"

Me: "You didn't say it was an Australian pronunciation!"

Mike: "Foe-kay-shuh is all I've ever heard! I'm never going to say foe-kah-chuh."

Me: "But.. at the time... I even said... Latin vowel sounds... I said, remember? I said foe-kah-chuh! And I assumed you, I don't know, had international sources. I bet you're wrong about Italian sausage, too!"

(Pop-up subtitle: For two years now, Mike keeps claiming that what we call Italian sausage in the US is nothing like the Italian sausage back in Oz and, by his tone, Italy.)

Mike: "No! That one's all over the Internet."

(I confer with said Internet again.)

Me: "Okay, fair enough. But... oh my god. I can't believe I trusted you."

Mike: "It's foe-kay-shuh, honey."

Me: "I can't even blog about this."

Postscript: And then I just had to look up bruschetta. Oh my god.

Comments

[Cindie from Texas]

I saw your blog.funny story...I cringed at how many times you used the creators Name as a exclamatory cuss word, that sort of broke my heart in a way. But I think of who God is...For God so loved the world that He gave His Son that who ever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. I think that a weighty thing to ponder... we lack so much depth today of who and why we are here. Im thankful though you have such a great sense of humor. I think Im more confused on how to say focaccia now than ever :)

[Shari]

Hi Cindie - yes, I hear you on the confusion! Mike and I went to CPK last night and decided to get an appetizer. But but but... we wanted the focaccia. Oh no, not this again! I ended up saying, "We'd like the cheese bread, please." Hah.

I don't mean to be offensive on the God issue. It just happens naturally. (Wait! That sounded wrong. You know what I mean.)

Keep warm in Tejas - that's where most of my family (long sufferers of my various blasphemies) reside!