ScaryShari has her 69 Meme (cough) going here. I'm going to steal it and lie on half of the questions. Which half? Wouldn't you like to know!
Well, no, you probably aren't fussed either way, so why not lie and make it more fun for me? There ya go.
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
3. Where was your first kiss?
on the big toe
4. For or against same sex marriage?
Marry whomever you like. See if I care. I'm not bitter. MUCH.
5. Are you homophobic?
Back in the day - back in Austin - I got sick and quit my job and didn't go out much except to sometimes get food from the gas station or to wash my nightgown there on the hood of my car using the air/water hoses, blah blah blah, and one day this person shows up at the door in stressed-out stretch pants and wants to know if her one-armed son can make some money mowing my lawn. But first she apologizes for me because she "knows" I'm "homophobic." You know, (she said), afraid to leave the house.
But if we go with the traditional definition of homophobic, then no. Unless we're talking about gay zombies.
6. Are you bisexual?
Nuh-uh. I tried to be cool and froody about that, and I've always said I would never shut the door on true love, whatever the packaging, but I'm one of the few females who doesn't sit around talking up Angelina Jolie.
7. Do you believe in God?
Not spelled like that.
8. How many U.S. States have you been to?
This many: AL, AZ, AR, CA, DE, FL, IL, IN, KY, MD, MI, MO, NV, NJ, NM, NY, OH, PA, TN, TX, VI. I left out womb/infant trips. I'm going to add UT to the list as soon as I finish spending all of my Saturdays in training. Did you know that St. George is the second-largest growing metropolis in this country? And it's right by Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park?
9. How many U.S. States have you lived in?
Fiveish: TX, IL, NY, MI, NV. Once I spent a summer at fat camp in CA while my parents were moving.
10. Have you ever lived outside of The U.S.?
Yes - Hungary (Budapest) and St. Lucia.
11. Name something you like physically about yourself.
My hair is nothing but split ends, but it's more fun this way. (What's so bad about split ends, anyway?) I also like the grey-flecked rings around my eyes, but I'm probably the only one who's noticed them.
12. Something non-physical you like about yourself.
I'm a good speller. I have a feeling age will take this away from me.
13. What's your mom's first name?
14. What is your dream car?
My paid-for, generally clean car, but with a new fuel filter that's recommended for my car and not the filter I bought at Jiffy Lube.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
Teleport? First class? I need to know more. The answer is probably still the Bull Creek suburb of Perth, Western Australia.
16. Have you ever had someone of the opposite sex sleep over?
17. What happened to question 17?
It's caught in a time-share demonstration.
18. Do you download music?
19. How many illegal things have you done?
In this state? Countless incidences of accidental speeding, perhaps. Other than stealing, painting, and replacing traffic cones, I can't think of anything that isn't car-related. Even the warrant for my arrest in California is for having tinted windows.
20. Where would you want to go on a first date?
Some place conducive to walking and nibbling.
21. Would you date the person who posted this before you?
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
A student sang for me. She sang that "smile, though your heart is breaking" song. Hmm. Why, I wonder?
23. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
24. Do you like president Bush?
More than I'd like President Cheney, less than I'd like President Me.
25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
That will never happen.
26. Have you ever whitewater rafted?
No, but Kevin Bacon doesn't scare me.
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
This one time? At pagan camp? My longish-time boyfriend and I had just broken up, right? And there was this guy. He was, like, 49. Maybe 48. He was older than my dad! I was 22. Or 23. Maybe 21. Yeah, and this guy? His name was Chris, but he used a Sufi name because he was way into the Sufi dancing. He was a physicist. And/or also unemployed. Once he was sort of in this cult that went around picking apples for people just to prove there are still nice people in the world. Anyway, he totally hit on me. He even offered me something that the ex-boyfriend had never offered. With a point-blank "no need to reciprocate" clause attached. I was impressed, but... Later, before I left, I gave him a roll of toilet paper from my camping stash because he "really had to take a shit" and had forgotten his own.
29. Have you met a real redneck?
30. Are you racist?
31. What song are you listening to right now?
I just opened WinAmp and am, it seems, listening to Steve Jones' "Raining in My Heart."
32. What is your current favorite song?
"Things We Said Today"
33. What was the last movie you watched?
Toy Story 2
34. Why do you hate question 34?
Because I hate freedom.
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Ghost Bar at the Palms
36. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
How serious is "seriously"? I had an ex-boyfriend who had a shirt from his not-really-ex-enough-wife. It got ripped. I don't know how. (Seriously.) (No, not the witty usage of "seriously.") I sort of encouraged it to rip further. (Seriously.)
37. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
I used to have the Elaine-from-Seinfeld GET OUT! thing down, but I've worked on checking it since working around young people. I find that even playfully smacking people upside the head is apparently frowned upon.
39. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Whether they're smiling.
40. Do you like yourself?
Yes. I'm boring and bored and am almost completely indifferent about whether I live another five years or fifty (as long as the hamsters and fish are okay), but me and I have our share of laughs and good times.
41. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I have never ordered anything from Starbucks.
42. and 43. What used to be on the site of questions 42 and 43?
44. Say something totally random about yourself.
I'm afraid of contact lenses.
45. Do you have an iPod?
I have seven of various models (G4 most recent) networked together, painted chili pepper-red, and hanging over Patricia's bed like a mobile.
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
120 pounds ago, a different ex-boyfriend thought I had an uncanny Sherilyn Fenn quality. Definitely a lone gunman theory.
47. What's your dad's name?
48. Do you have braces?
Nevah. But someday the back right wisdom tooth will fall out of my mouth and the days of having the only perfect teenage teeth in my social circle shall pass into folklore.
49. Are you comfortable with your height?
It grew on me.
50. Do you like someone right now?
51. How tall are you?
52. Do you speak any other language other than English?
Shelta. It's just a few words, but I do speak them.
53. and 54?
55. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
Yes. I would feel bad for lying on this one.
57. Do you watch MTV?
This is a trick question. MTV hasn't existed in years. I'm pretty sure it was killed by Whitney Houston and a crowd of paid sailors.
58. What's something that really annoys you?
When people get the wrong idea about me even when I don't lie on memes.
59. What are some things you really like?
adventuring, peanut butter-flavoured cereal, when the students are excited to tell me something, air conditioning
60. Do you like Michael Jackson?
61. Can you dance?
I was a dance minor once, only because my university didn't offer it as a major.
62. Have you ever surfed?
63. Do you know how to pump gas?
This isn't Joisey. I can pump 87, 89, and 91 octane and click the dealiebobbie so you don't have to hold the spigotthingie.
64. Do you drive?
Yes, despite having little of it.
65. What's the latest you have ever stayed out?
Until late the next afternoon? I remember one time at Julie's house in Houston... drove there from Austin, stayed the night with her and Wendy, shot lots of incriminating video, participated in a desperate clock-watch the next morning as we waited for a pizza place to open, inhaled the delivery, hit the road home.
66. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
67. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
No. I've never received any health services at a hospital. I went to a late-night clinic once because my throat had been slowly closing all day. I couldn't talk and had to keep spitting the accumulating drool into a paper bag. Luckily my boyfriend at the time was scheduled to come over as I was too sick to walk (mono). I sure was a pretty girl, slobbering and grunting so.
68. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?
No. When in doubt of your preteen friends, pick "Truth," "Promise," or "Repeat."
69. What's your favorite state to live in?
Nevada, so far. No one here but tourists and mountains and old nuclear testing grounds. I like it.
Even the lies are surrounded in lies - I really only lied
12 13 times.
26 January 2006