Things I Didn’t Do Today

• Cook dinner. 
• Choke to death on rice from last night’s leftover Indian. I have this whole Rice Thing where if I don’t take tea-party bites or smother the rice adequately in another food, it all gets stuck somewhere past my throat opening. I can breathe, but the situation is painful and I can’t talk, which scares Mike, and there’s a real knack to gurgling up spittle until the brain is so grossed out that it writes a Vomit Pass. My dad says, “That’s what your Great-Aunt Edna had. She had to keep getting her throat stretched.” Now I have the burden of making sure my six-year-old niece knows about this so she can someday tell this story about me… except it will be “Great-Aunt Shari had that but she never had her throat professionally stretched so no one would go to Asian restaurants with her.”
• Warn my students that the body has so many crazy surprises not covered by Health class. 
• Obsess over Holidomes of yesteryear. 
• Turn off a 1982 countdown on Solid Gold as suggested by YouTube. 
• Entertain any requests that I sell this domain. 
  
  

(This post is my equivalent of a middle-of-the-night stealth pilot that airs so I can retain the rights to an IP… but with less Billy Zane and also less obligation.)